Returning To An RTC Second Time May Be The Charm
Posted in Adolescent Residential Treatment Centers on Feb 22, 2009
When my son ran away five weeks ago and we sent him back to Heritage Schools in Provo, Utah it was another experience of feeling somewhat lost and relieved. I felt like he was returning home to the place where he belonged and could be taken care of. We knew Heritage, we know the staff and we know that they treat them with love. It was the right place for him. There was no question in my mind that he would not return to the group home he had been living for the past 10 weeks. It was obvious that he was not happy there, did not like the staff and that we would be dealing with the same issues in a matter of days. I know in his heart he did not want to go back to Heritage, but if he had to choose between the two it would have been his choice if we had given him one. Later I asked that question and he confirmed it.
Our relationship has been a bit strained and somewhat distant since he returned, he is tired of being told what to do. All that said the transition has gone very smoothly, almost like he belongs there and he is moving up in his levels without any difficulty. The biggest change for him now is his age, teenagers do grow up and he had his 17th birthday a few weeks ago. It was difficult for him to turn 17 at an RTC, I think in his mind he should not be there and in all of our minds we felt the same way. Missing his birthday has been hard on all of us, but the hope and plan is that he will have many more. From the time he got there these are the thoughts that have evolved in his mind:
The first week he got there we did not expect to talk to him, but his therapist put him on the phone and all we heard about was how we should emancipate him so that “we would no longer would have to worry about him”. I was just glad to get a phone call and that he would talk to us.
Next phone call, he had plans with another resident to get an apartment in the Haight (San Francisco) when he got out of Heritage at 18. He thinks that we want him living in an RTC until he turns 18. Once he leaves he does not plan to ever live in our home again.
Next conversation, he plans to join either the Peace Corp. or Job Corp. when he gets out because they will let him smoke cigarettes, drink and help you get a job.
Last conversation, he does not want to ever return to a regular high school when he gets out. He hates high schools. He wants to go to the community college and now is talking about getting his drivers license, even though he will continue to walk everywhere.
He does not want us to come and visit, because visits in Utah are boring. It just so happens I am going out there for business the first week in March and I asked him if I could visit while I am there and he excitably told me yes. This post is about a lot of different ideas going through his head, some fear that he will be 18 soon. Wanting to be emancipated then asking us to help him get an apartment, community college and a driver’s license. I think he is beginning to take his life more seriously, growing up and what is more reassuring he is able to make decisions with a sober mind.
The second time at Heritage RTC is different for all of us, because it is only months until he will be 18 and then he truly will be making his own decisions.
A toddler learns to walk, they fall down, get back up. Teens make mistakes, fall down and get back up. As parents with teens it is our job not to give up hope and help them get back up.
